we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
