if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
