do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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