Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
