under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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