yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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