can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
