Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
