and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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