I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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