I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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