I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
