So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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