i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
