i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
