I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
