weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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