I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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