Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
