I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
