Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
