apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
