How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
