Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
