So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
only you would photoshop your dick
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
