How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
