"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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