The maid of honor just puked.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
