I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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