but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
