I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
