her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
