sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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