I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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