My liver just broke up with me...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He did a backflip because drugs
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
