I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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