it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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