Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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