her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
