We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
