So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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