get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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