we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
