Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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