In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
