I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
