How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
