it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
