I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
