i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
