You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
