Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
