did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
